A Father's Day Tribute - Ward Harned Forman (1926-2006)

Ward H. Forman, Scoutmaster, Pine Hill Scout Reservation , NJ, 1950

A Father's Day Tribute

(Adapted from a talk given in Sacrament Meeting in the Clinton UT 11th Ward, Father’s Day - 16 June 1996 by Kathleen Forman Van Natter)

My dad was a good man, but he was what you would call 'emotionally absent' from our lives as we were growing up. My main memories are of him arriving home just in time to eat dinner with us (and usually complaining about our hair – which in those days was parted down the middle and left to hang) and then later he’d be asleep on the couch. He attended the big events, like graduations, but always with a book to read. The first time I remember him hugging me was the day I left for BYU. I cried all the way to Provo. My father left my mother for another woman, and was later excommunicated from the Church. My 3 sisters and I have always felt that we got a pretty raw deal to be honest. We’ve held some pretty mournful pity parties when we all get together. We look around and see such wonderful examples of fatherhood, and then we wonder, Why did we get who we got?

There are 13 references in the scriptures to the commandment to Honor thy Father and thy Mother. I have often wondered how we honor a parent whose actions aren’t honorable. For many years I was content to believe that as long as I did nothing to dishonor the name I’d been given, I was honoring my father. It was the best I could do.

When I saw a reference to a book called Lessons I Learned from My Father I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea. Slowly I began to remember things from my life with Dad that I had forgotten. I have come to recognize that he did teach us some important and valuable lessons.

Dad's Scout troop on the day of the hike - 1963

Since he was the father of four daughters, it seemed fitting that Dad would be called as the Scoutmaster in our ward. He really loved the Scouting program and had been a scoutmaster before in the early 1950’s in New Jersey. His troop in Tulare had some rowdy boys in it, some Church members, some not. Dad took them hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountains. High on a hill stood the hermit’s cabin. No one really knew anything about the man who lived there, but that was the destination of their hike. When they got there, not surprisingly, the hermit was not at home. Dad and the Scouts rested, then headed back down the mountain. When they got back Dad learned that some of the boys had stolen a radio and some money from the cabin. It was dark by then, but the next day Dad went back, hiked up the mountain by himself and returned the stolen items.

Leviticus 19:11Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.

Ward and Terry in happier days (early 1950s)

In the early days of my parents’ marriage, though they hardly had two pennies to their name, Dad often opened their home to people who needed a place to stay. He never hesitated when he saw someone in need, especially if there were children involved. I worked in his real estate office before college and I often saw him bend over backward trying to put a mother and her children in a rental unit when they needed housing, even when they didn’t have all the required deposits.

Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

From Dad's senior yearbook at Rider College in 1949

Dad was a scholar, having earned both his bachelors and masters degrees, and he was a life-long learner. Learning was so important to him that he really emphasized it with us. He always referred to the time when we would go to college, never if we would go. And all four of us went.

2 Nephi 9:29 But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God.

The Tulare Ward basement, scene of many fundraisers.

When Dad saw a need he just forged ahead and did something about it. In our small ward there was no library and no organ, just a piano. He organized many fund raisers to earn money so we could have both. So we eventually had a nicely stocked library in the church basement, and he even negotiated a deal for the beautiful full-size organ that replaced the piano. As a musician himself, music was really important to him and he wanted us to feel the sacredness of organ music. But he never drew attention to the fact that he had made all this happen for our ward. (This was long before the standardized libraries and buildings.)

Matthew 6:3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.

Old family group sheets in Dad's handwriting

Dad loved family history. I still remember the dining room table covered in pedigree charts and family group sheets. He wrote letters to the relatives to get the names and dates and places he needed to fill out the chart. Between his work and that of his sister-in-law, Alma Forman, a lot of family connections had been made before I took over the work. His interest got me excited and family history work is one of the great missions of my life.

Elijah 4:5-6 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

His temple blessings were restored by proxy after his death

The most important good thing my father did was embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ. Because of that choice, my sisters and I were raised with the gospel. He didn’t give us priesthood blessings, or hold Family Home Evening, or kneel with us in prayer, but we grew up in Primary and Junior Sunday School, MIA and early morning seminary because of him. Even though he left the church for a time (and was rebaptized at age 80), without his determination that his four children be raised Latter-day Saints, his sixteen grandchildren (and so far 23 great-grandchildren) would not have been blessed by the gospel.

The Forman Girls at Nauvoo, Illinois, 1989

So why did I get who I got? Jehovah’s command to the children was honor thy father and thy mother (Exodus 20:12) but his command to parents was to bring up your children in light and truth (D&C 93:40). The two go hand in hand. My sisters and I were brought up in light and truth because the gospel was part of our lives, thanks to Dad.

I now believe that my dad did the best he could. I don’t know exactly what his own upbringing was like, but somehow he got prepared to recognize truth when it was presented to him. For that I honor my father on Father’s Day.

(A version of this post was originally posted at FamilySearch.org - Memories 17 Jun 2018)