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| Ward H. Forman, Scoutmaster, Pine Hill Scout Reservation , NJ, 1950 |
A Father's Day Tribute
(Adapted
from a talk given in Sacrament Meeting in the Clinton UT 11th Ward,
Father’s Day - 16 June 1996 by Kathleen Forman Van Natter)
My
dad was a good man, but he was what you would call 'emotionally
absent' from our lives as we were growing up. My main memories are of
him arriving home just in time to eat dinner with us (and usually
complaining about our hair – which in those days was parted down
the middle and left to hang) and then later he’d be asleep on the
couch. He attended the big events, like graduations, but always with
a book to read. The first time I remember him hugging me was the day
I left for BYU. I cried all the way to Provo. My father left my
mother for another woman, and was later excommunicated from the
Church. My 3 sisters and I have always felt that we got a pretty raw
deal to be honest. We’ve held some pretty mournful pity parties
when we all get together. We look around and see such wonderful
examples of fatherhood, and then we wonder, Why did we get who we
got?
There
are 13 references in the scriptures to the commandment to Honor thy
Father and thy Mother. I have often wondered how we honor a parent
whose actions aren’t honorable. For many years I was content to
believe that as long as I did nothing to dishonor the name I’d been
given, I was honoring my father. It was the best I could do.
When
I saw a reference to a book called Lessons I Learned from My Father I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea. Slowly I began to
remember things from my life with Dad that I had forgotten. I have
come to recognize that he did teach us some important and valuable
lessons.
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| Dad's Scout troop on the day of the hike - 1963 |
Since
he was the father of four daughters, it seemed fitting that Dad would
be called as the Scoutmaster in our ward. He really loved the
Scouting program and had been a scoutmaster before in the early
1950’s in New Jersey. His troop in Tulare had some rowdy boys in
it, some Church members, some not. Dad took them hiking in the Sierra
Nevada mountains. High on a hill stood the hermit’s cabin. No one
really knew anything about the man who lived there, but that was the
destination of their hike. When they got there, not surprisingly, the
hermit was not at home. Dad and the Scouts rested, then headed back
down the mountain. When they got back Dad learned that some of the
boys had stolen a radio and some money from the cabin. It was dark by
then, but the next day Dad went back, hiked up the mountain by
himself and returned the stolen items.
Leviticus
19:11Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely,
neither lie one to another.
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| Ward and Terry in happier days (early 1950s) |
In
the early days of my parents’ marriage, though they hardly had two
pennies to their name, Dad often opened their home to people who
needed a place to stay. He never hesitated when he saw someone in
need, especially if there were children involved. I worked in his
real estate office before college and I often saw him bend over
backward trying to put a mother and her children in a rental unit
when they needed housing, even when they didn’t have all the
required deposits.
Matthew
25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto
you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of
the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto
me.
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| From Dad's senior yearbook at Rider College in 1949 |
Dad
was a scholar, having earned both his bachelors and masters degrees,
and he was a life-long learner. Learning was so important to him that
he really emphasized it with us. He always referred to the time when
we would go to college, never if we would go. And all four of
us went.
2
Nephi 9:29 But to be learned is good if they hearken unto
the counsels of God.
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| The Tulare Ward basement, scene of many fundraisers. |
When
Dad saw a need he just forged ahead and did something about it. In
our small ward there was no library and no organ, just a piano. He
organized many fund raisers to earn money so we could have both. So
we eventually had a nicely stocked library in the church basement,
and he even negotiated a deal for the beautiful full-size organ that
replaced the piano. As a musician himself, music was really important
to him and he wanted us to feel the sacredness of organ music. But he
never drew attention to the fact that he had made all this happen for
our ward. (This was long before the standardized libraries and
buildings.)
Matthew
6:3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy
right hand doeth.
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| Old family group sheets in Dad's handwriting |
Dad
loved family history. I still remember the dining room table covered
in pedigree charts and family group sheets. He wrote letters to the
relatives to get the names and dates and places he needed to fill out
the chart. Between his work and that of his sister-in-law, Alma
Forman, a lot of family connections had been made before I took over
the work. His interest got me excited and family history work is one
of the great missions of my life.
Elijah
4:5-6 Behold, I will send you Elijah the
prophet before the coming of the great and
dreadful day of the Lord: And he
shall turn the heart of the fathers to
the children, and the heart of the children to their
fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with
a curse.
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| His temple blessings were restored by proxy after his death |
The
most important good thing my father did was embrace the gospel of
Jesus Christ. Because of that choice, my sisters and I were raised
with the gospel. He didn’t give us priesthood blessings, or hold
Family Home Evening, or kneel with us in prayer, but we grew up in
Primary and Junior Sunday School, MIA and early morning seminary
because of him. Even though he left the church for a time (and was
rebaptized at age 80), without his determination that his four
children be raised Latter-day Saints, his sixteen grandchildren (and
so far 23 great-grandchildren) would not have been blessed by the
gospel.
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| The Forman Girls at Nauvoo, Illinois, 1989 |
So
why did I get who I got? Jehovah’s command to the children was
honor thy father and thy mother (Exodus 20:12) but his command to
parents was to bring up your children in light and truth (D&C
93:40). The two go hand in hand. My sisters and I were brought up in
light and truth because the gospel was part of our lives, thanks to
Dad.
I
now believe that my dad did the best he could. I don’t know exactly
what his own upbringing was like, but somehow he got prepared to
recognize truth when it was presented to him. For that I honor my
father on Father’s Day.
(A version of this post was originally posted at FamilySearch.org - Memories 17 Jun 2018)
COOKIES from Hand-Me-Down Recipes from the Forman Family (1987)
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 1 cup butter
- 1 cup peanut butter
- 1/4 cup milk
- 2 teaspoons vanilla
- 3-1/2 cups flour
- 2 teaspoons soda
- 1 teaspoon salt
Roll in balls, and then in sugar. Bake 375 degrees on ungreased cookie sheet. Put a chocolate star on each one immediately. [or use a Hersheys Kiss]Melt over low heat in a double boiler, or very carefully in the microwave.
1 cup flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup butter
1/2 c. powdered sugar
cold water
jam or jelly